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Pages: Birthday Sex [1]
Author Topic: Birthday Sex
coker

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2010-11-11 7-49-16-

Birthday Sex My birthday was Friday. I am not one to celebrate my birthday, or expect a celebration. I don't feel bad if I don't get a card or gifts. A happy birthday wish is nice, but I don't get bent outta shape if it isn't said to me. I live with my girlfriend/ common-law wife of 8-9 years. We both work from home and see each other every day, all day. Our sex life is about once or twice a month on average. Yes it is pathetic. I really don't think she is "getting it" from someone else, as she barely leaves the house. I want to do it more, but getting her interested is either a task, or a borderline fight. So all day Friday we hang out. Friday night we go to a club. She gets drunk (again). No sex... again. Saturday we hang out all day. We get in a tiff and no sex again. She is now sleeping the day away, and we aren't talking. I am tired of telling her that I want more sex. We don't even kiss, and rarely have even minimal physical contact. It is really pathetic. I don't want to cheat on her, as I wouldn't want her to do that to me. I am still in my 30's and still like sex. This, among other things, is getting me to the point where I need to make some changes. I have a teen son, and she has a teen girl that we both raise full-time. We are also financially dependent on each other for a variety of reasons. Walking out the door and starting over is not an immediate option. The more it is like this, the more I resent her. The more I look into myself, I want to make changes, but those seem to go unnoticed. I don't want cologne, a fancy dinner, or a new shirt. I am working out, and watching everything that I am putting into my mouth, so I don't even want a cake. However, is it too much to ask for birthday sex? Nic-nac-paddywack... give a dog a bone.
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wiessner

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2010-11-13 10-37-16

What does she say about her lack of interest when you've talked to her about it? Some people just don't need sex as much as others. In fact, some have to be reminded or they'd forget they have a sex drive at all. And there are posters here who think they'd fall over dead if they don't get nookie at least three times a day. It's tricky to find a partner with whom your libidos are matched. Communication and compromise are usually the best approach to solving the difference. Meeting in the middle. So, did you talk to her about it? Not as a one-time thing as in, 'I need sex tonight, why aren't you interested?', but more as a discussion of where this aspect of your relationship is going in general?
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  • tyer

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    2010-11-16 11-56-37

    ongoing converstaion pestering her for sex only when you want it is a little short-sighted on your part. Do you want a relationship or not? That means sitting down and TALKING about sex like adults when you're not jumping up and down, begging for it. Keeping the fire going between two adults can be likened to a dance and it sounds like her dancing shoes are in the back of the closet. The other thing I suggest is therapy. If you want to do this right and you love her, you will do anything to make it work. Either confront her about it as her adult partner with needs or walk. Or maybe you spend so much time together she's just tired of you. Never know until you ASK.
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    shattuck

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    2011-01-13 11-35-28

    we used to have sex a lot but that seems so long ago. I agree that some people have different sex compatability. I think hers changed, not mine. We started out on the same page. We have talked about this like adults ad nauseum. It doesn't ever solve anything. Bandaid on an open wound. I have spent major dollars on toys, and other things to stimulate her emotionally and physiy. Again, not really getting anywhere. We started therapy a long time ago, and it became a point of contention with her. Kind of like the attitude that I don't need therapy.
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    henzler

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    2011-02-16 6-31-25-

    well then it's time to cut the $ cord and bail. If she's not sexually compatible with you and she's gone to the doc about her hormone levels, sounds like you're done.
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  • duvall

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    2011-02-20 14-36-14

    Use it or lose it It's true that if you go too long you can forget you have a sex drive. How do you approach her for sex? I ask because this was a problem in my marriage. My husband used to say to me "let's $&?!" out of the blue and he expected me to be ready to go. I need a little more romance that that. So, I resented that he didn't attempt to engage my mind and he resented that I didn't put out. Viscous cycle. Could it be laziness on both parts?
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    demetre

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    2012-01-31 12-56-21

    I do deserve to be happy I have stuck around a long time because of the mother figure she is to my son. I don't feel like her daughter looks to me as her dad, so that is not really a factor to consider. I really feel like I should move far, far away and totally just start over from scratch. I am just hesitant to believe the grass will be greener somewhere else. It can't be much worse. I can really relate to the parents who divorce once the kids graduate from High School.
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  • galyean

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    2012-11-25 22-41-17

    I imagine since you've "stuck around since she's the mother figure" to your son, she realizes you aren't in love with her any more and she's just sticking around because she's the mother figure to your son. Not much about that senario that inspires passion. Sorry. No birthday sex for you buddy.
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  • andler

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    Posts: 47

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    2013-11-03 14-45-50

    not to be mean but I think that is just wrong
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